Under the two-tier system of elections we’ve experienced (endured?) in recent years, candidates can have it both ways. On one level, call it the high road, candidates can discuss their backgrounds, experience, issues they support or oppose, kiss babies or offer insight into plans if elected. Donations beyond a minimal amount, and expenditures, are public record. On the other, call it the dark side, individuals or parties can raise boatloads of money to eviscerate the opposition. And nobody is ever held accountable.

Candidates are not allowed by law to “coordinate” campaigns with the dark side, even if their funding and attack ads are vital to victory. Only a Philadelphia lawyer could dream up that convenient dodge. Actually, it was the U.S. Supreme Court.

Kevin Cahill has been the only candidate I can remember who publicly denounced the tactics of his dark side supporters. And look where that got him.

It does little good to grouse over these abuses, so why do I persist? I ran into former legislature chairman Dave Donaldson the other day where he told me for about the third time that Sarahana Shrestha’s dark money machine “spent more than $750,000” in her successful race against Kevin Cahill. Nary a dime has been reported to date.

For the first time I asked him how he knew that, since it’s all secret.

“Well, you know,” he said. “That’s what people say.” Hmm.

Shrestha’s two-tier campaign against Cahill was not the first, nor will it be the last.

The opening salvo on the latest — the Aug. 23 special election between county executives Pat Ryan and Marc Molinaro to fill the 19th Congressional District seat left vacant by Antonio Delgado in May — was sounded this week.

More a breaking of wind than a titanic blast, a feature in the Hudson Register-Star takes Molinaro to task for, of all things, cracking up a county-issued SUV some 10 years ago.

“Even Cuomo didn’t raise a car accident from 10 years ago,” Molinaro said by way of perspective. (The campaign was actually four years ago, but who’s counting?)

The vehicle, a six-seater SUV, its exorbitant price tag, and Molinaro’s driving record were the subject of a lengthy in-depth report by the progressive Hudson daily. While I suspected a spoon-fed hit-piece, conveniently published some three weeks before the special election, I will give the paper credit for at least contacting the target for comments.

Molinaro seemed nonplussed when I caught up with him for a response, no doubt appreciating that this was but the opening shot in what is already shaping up as a knee-capper of a campaign.

The usual cast of Democrats weighed in. Dutchess County Comptroller Robin Lois, the first Democrat elected to countywide office on the East Bank for quite some time, offered copious statical information that lent credibility to the piece, while not directly criticizing Molinaro. Several caught my eye, like the exec being given a near-$90,000 vehicle to drive around, which the article noted in juxtaposition, was almost the average household income in Dutchess. What one had to do with the other escaped me, and, I suspect, most readers as well. Some may have also wondered what any of this had to do with a congressional campaign.

Ryan figuratively wrung his hands in dismay as if to convey that something that dastardly could ever occur or be tolerated in his enlightened administration. An email asking what kind of vehicle Ryan is issued by Ulster County and how much it costs was not answered by my next-day deadline. The Hudson paper apparently made no such inquiry as its story was about Molinaro, not Ryan. Big miss. Tip to readers: When “facts” don’t line up in a political piece, consider suspending belief.

Put a Sock in This One

As the “19th Special” hurtles down the tracks toward Aug. 23, allow me a meaningless footnote to this non-story.

Word reached my rabbit ears from helpful Ulster Democratic circles last month that Molinaro was also issued a county-paid chauffeur for his official vehicle. I could not believe Molinaro would be that stupid. He said he wasn’t.

“I drive my vehicle, always have,” Molinaro said. How much? “About thirty or forty thousand miles a year on county business.” Molinaro insists he doesn’t drive the company car on campaign and that he only cracked up one.

Picture this: Running behind schedule, Molinaro screeches to a halt at the county line in his roadhog county issue to find waiting for him, as planned, a cheap four-banger “people car” to take him on the campaign trail. Without a chauffeur, of course.

Rockin’ Robin

Dutchess County Republican Exec Molinaro and Democrat Comptroller Lois apparently have a good working relationship, much like Ulster Comptroller March Gallagher and Ryan. The latter pair are both Democrats, rendering Gallagher’s watchdog duties a bit trickier.

Given the beating Molinaro took from Lois in this recent piece, I can just picture this exchange:

Molinaro: My, what big teeth you have, Robin.

Lois: All the better to bite you with, Marc.

My mother always said I had too much imagination.

They Booked the Sheriff

The 160-odd guests who attended the Ashley Dittus-Dan Torres wedding in Uptown Kingston last weekend might have been surprised to find County Sheriff Juan Figueroa as presiding official. But it’s all good.

“They’re both good friends,” the sheriff told me. “In fact, Dan and Ashley were among the first people to ask me to run for sheriff four years ago. About a year ago after they were engaged, they asked me to officiate at their wedding.”

Figueroa said that he was under the impression that as a county constitutional officer he had the authority to conduct weddings, like the county clerk. A quick double-check just before the wedding revealed to his surprise that was not the case. “I got on the web and ordered one of those $49.95 mail-order minister’s certificates,” he said. “Perfectly legal and just in time.”

The Rev. Juan did not wear robes, nor his uniform with 16 stars, but rather a well-tailored business suit and tie.

My wife might have had the last word on that episode.

“Did you ask him why he waited until the day of the wedding to check that out?” she asked.

“Because I forgot,” did not satisfy her.

In any event, all’s well that ends well. Guests considered the wedding “one of the best ever,” the bride, lovely, the groom handsome, food and entertainment terrific. And I missed it all. Maybe the invitation got lost in the mail?