There is a secret in our little community and it’s time for it to be out in the open. In the long tradition of “off menu” items like KFC’s Poutine Fries or the In-N-Out 4x4 Burger, the Kingston Farmers Market is home to an unspoken food item, a secret purchase that exists only in whispers around the Ulster County Courthouse parking lot.

But before I go into greater detail about this particular discovery, I think it’s important to say that the history of “off menu” items is a rogue’s gallery of the cringeworthy, a dog’s breakfast of combinations that even the quick-service food industry thinks might be a bit too “off” for the regular menu. Think about that. Even Arby’s decided the Meat Mountain wasn’t something it could officially stand behind. It makes sense. The extra-menu options are generally gross and that’s saying something in the industry that invented the nugget. For example, the KFC Poutine is simply a bowl full of fries drenched in pump cheese and KFC’s signature gravy, making a mushy, starchy mess best eaten with a spoon. I think the gravy is called “signature” because it might be made with fountain pen ink. Or the In-N-Out 4x4 which is essentially four-patty meat and cheese tower with a bun that looks more like a tiny bread yarmulke atop a massive beef Jenga set. There’s also the McDonald’s Land, Sea, and Air Sandwich whose combination of the Filet-O-Fish, McChicken, and a cheeseburger is as bad as you imagine it to be. Actually, it’s probably worse. Full disclosure: I’ve never eaten a Land, Sea, and Air, nor any of the aforementioned items but by any journalistic standard I’m able to make an informed decision about these monstrosities. I just know.

It is in this company that our local “on the downlow” purchase exists. But unlike other off-menu items, like Chipotle’s Burritodilla, this secret treasure is pure delight. And yes, the Burritodilla is real. Only in America. Kingston’s hidden gem, however, is called the “$20 Cheese Bag” and it’s only offered by Yuval and Lisa Sterer of The Big Cheese. Now the first rule of the $20 cheese bag is that you don’t talk about the $20 cheese bag, but I’m sick and tired of treating this like the location of a warehouse rave in the 1990s. It’s simple. Walk up to the booth at the outdoor farmer’s market on any given Saturday, hand over a bag of some sort, and slip them a crisp Jackson. What happens next is slightly unpredictable, as it relies on the judgement of whichever staff member you’re interacting with, but essentially, they will walk up and down the table dropping random items into your bag ’til it’s full.

When I say full, I mean full. Like actually fully full. Loaded to the gills. And the bigger the bag, the more you get. Believe me, I’ve pushed the envelope on this thing. You’ll get cheese you’ve never heard of, cheese you’ve never thought to try, and cheese that requires some instructions from Yuval. Something along the lines of, “This one is very sharp. Small bites only” or, “This is a raclette. Cut off the rind and melt the whole block” or, “Ignore the sell-by date.” Regardless of the specific ingredients, you’ll walk away with a bag heavy with cheesy delights. And it isn’t just cheese that gets tossed in your dairy luggage. Crackers, olives, hummus, pesto. These have all shown up in my sack from week to week. One time they even threw in an entire jar of almond butter. I know that stuff costs close to $20 on its own. I get mounds of cheese AND beat the system? I’m in!

To be honest, I don’t remember how I found out about the $20 Cheese Bag, but you won’t see it advertised in their tent or on their truck. Probably because it’s too good of a deal and they’d go out of business if everyone knew about it. They say if it looks too good to be true than it is but I’m telling you, the $20 Cheese Bag is like having Halloween every Saturday, except instead of filling your pillowcase with candy you get aged dairy products, and possibly a cholesterol problem. But it’s totally worth it. Try it. You’ll see.

The next time you’re having guests over because there’s no way you can eat a bag’s worth of cheese on your own, give it a shot. You’ll have a delightful board to share and an even better story to tell. Only don’t tell too many people. We don’t want everyone to know about it, do we?